Yondaime Conspiracy
by ABZB13
Summary: Who really killed the Yondaime Hokage? One-shot, humourous.


During the half century since the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato, was killed by the Kyuubi, you may have heard about a few conspiracy theories.

Decades of investigations, hearings, documents, records, books and interviews have failed to satisfy conspiracy theorists with a definitive answer to The Question: Did the Kyuubi act alone when he killed the Hokage?

At one time or another, doubters of the lone bijuu theory "have accused 89 teams, every villages' black ops, over several hundred missing-nin, and the Sage of the Six Paths of being involved in the assassination," said avid reader of orange books Hatake Kakashi.

That's a lot of paranoia.

So, when jonin, ANBU, or amateur ninja want to check out the latest Yondaime conspiracy theory, they call _.

"People think I'm an anti-conspiracy guy," _ said at his Suna-area home.

Namikaze assassination conspiracy theorists, _ said, come in all degrees of interest and levels of obsession. They may believe Root was behind the Uchiha Massacre or that the Third Great Shinobi War were fake. Those folks comprise the "off the wall" crowd. The others, he says, read the books, watch the documentaries and come to less extreme conclusions.

Conspiracy theorists often gather to compare notes at special symposiums, like one at Konoha's Orange University. The event, which included _ as the keynote speaker, seemed more like a revival meeting at The Temple of the Ramen God than an academic conference, according to a reporter who was there. "Replace 'RAMEN!' for 'That's right!' and it would have basically been an Ichirukan temple," recalled one Nara, shuddering prior to passing out from the exertion.

The Nara said the crowd ranged from those who believed the Sandaime was involved in some kind of cover-up, to extremists who appeared to think "everything the Hokage tells you is a lie."

She said many still blame ANBU for failing to uncover the truth.

"Root did it"

This is the conspiracy theory that interests _-san the most. "The problem is, of all of them, this is one I can't debunk," he laughs.

"Supposedly Namikaze was fed up with the shenanigans that Root was pulling," _ said. "He found out Root was trying to kill (Ame leader) Hanzo and more or less every other world leader, which is a fact. So the argument is that Root felt that Namikaze was going to disband them. And as a result of that, they were the ones that ordered the killing of Namikaze."

_ points out that the late head of Root, Shimura Danzō, was a member of the Fox Commission, the special Sandaime-appointed panel tasked with the official investigation of the Kyuubi Attack. The commission determined that the Kyuubi acted alone.

The Kyuubi fought alongside infamous Konoha missing-nin Uchiha Madara.

"We know the Kyuubi was in redacted redacted," _ said. "We even know who it talked to. But we don't know what was said. Then a few weeks later, it kills Namikaze."

"It may have been something that they overheard involving him and Cloud. Or, maybe Root had the Kyuubi jinchuriki on the payroll. It might have been a double agent."

Is it possible that Cloud ordered the Kyuubi to do it?

Not likely, said _. Cloud would never have ordered the Kyuubi jinchuriki to kill Namikaze because of its well-known links to Cloud and its anti-human sympathies. Cloud's leaders knew they would have been the first suspects if they'd engineered an assassination by the Kyuubi. It would have been an act of war, which could have triggered a Fourth Great War they could ill afford.

"We need to know what happened on the way to Cloud," _ said.

_ thought the answer might have been revealed when the Tsunade administration made public a number of previously classified Root documents related to the assassination that had been held by the Konoha Village Archives.

_ said he was disappointed in those documents, which were released as part of the Kyuubi Attack Records Collection Act.

"They didn't release any of the good stuff," _ said on Tuesday. The documents failed to reveal any new details about what the Kyuubi jinchuriki said during its aborted visit to Cloud.

So, either we already know the truth, the Kyuubi acted alone, or - worst-case scenario - we may never know the whole truth, prompting one more question surrounding the killing of the Yondaime: Would Konoha be OK with that?

A/N: This is a parody of a JFK conspiracy article, _One JFK conspiracy theory that could be true_ by Thom Patterson, from CNN's website.


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